Hey everyone! So I've made it back to Denmark, and guess what I found when I got here? If you guessed rainy weather, you would be correct, but that's just too obvious. I found something else. Something far more interesting than yet another rainy day in DK. I am giving you three guesses, starting...NOW!
Okay wait, I just realized I titled this post 'The Teeny Weenie Contest. Your guesses are officially revoked! So now that you don't have to bother yourself with guessing, you can save all your brain power for digesting the following information:
I found a country wide teeny weenie contest. Mmmm hmmm. That's right. A teeny weenie (as in smallest penis) actual, real life contest. I don't know the official Danish name of the contest, and quite frankly, I don't care. As soon as I heard that one lucky (or not so lucky???) Danish man could win his very own iPhone for having the smallest penis in town, I had to get straight to blogging. There is just not time for research when something like this is going on in the world.
So yes, this is real. If you happen to just be opening your second bottle of wine for the evening as you read this post, have no fear. Yes, you are most likely drunk right now, but you are not, I repeat NOT getting my words confused. This is not a joke/lie/sick and twisted story I made up to entertain myself while I have been sick in bed for two days. This is a real thing people!
To enter the contest, all a Danish man has to do is submit a picture of his erect penis next to a measuring tape to singlesex.dk. If it turns out he has the teeniest weenie, he wins an iPhone. Imagine it! Or don't imagine it. Or do imagine it, depending on what you like. I don't know what to advise here.
And get this: the second and third runners up win an iPad. Now, I'm not a guy, so I can't say for 100% sure, but I'm thinking if I was, I would be shooting for the 3rd biggest of the smallest penises (or is it peni??) and win me an iPad!
Let's get a visual going shall we, courtesy of some cocktail weenies?
|Teeniest weenie on the left wins the iPhone & the big guy on the right scores the iPad!|
And you thought this story couldn't get any more bizarre didn't you? Well, it does. Believe it or not, there is actually a moral to this contest. Something to be learned. A life lesson. A self esteem booster. Something to put a little cock in your walk (pun intended--come on, I had to!). The premise behind the teeny weenie contest is to celebrate what you are packing. Big or small. Cocktail weenie or Evian bottle, which I use as an example only because I just read somewhere today that Liam Neeson's penis is the size of an Evian bottle (info courtesy of Janice Dickinson, via InTouch magazine).
After I read this article from The Huffington Post on the contest, I have to admit, I am 100% in agreeance. We all know, especially as women, how it feels to be judged for our size. And aren't we constantly preaching to ourselves, our kids, each other, that it's not whether you are big or small, skinny or fat, tall or short, that matters? Isn't what matters in life who we are as people? How we treat others? Aren't we more than a cup size/dress size/penis size? So, good luck to all you gherkin wielding Danish guys out there. May the best penis win!
What is the strangest contest you have ever heard of?